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This idea that trans men are 'part of the patriarchy' is nonsense. In what world is that possible. Not everyone looks like Buck Angel. And the rates for genital surgery for both trans men and trans women according to my search, is no more than 5%. So it is wildly unpopular. Meaning, that trans men always have a connection to the social role imposed on them and a unique stake in the abolition of women's oppression: if abortion, birth control, and other relevant things is messed with by the bourgeoisie (the 'patriarchy') then that affects trans men too. Both trans men and trans women are harmed by the patriarchy. Stealth trans men are traumatized merely by the disrespectful and out of pocket things cis men say, I have seen a lot of trans men resent cis men. The 'woman' social role imposed on us trans men by the bourgeoisie to varying degrees complicates our relationship to our manhood.
Saying this doesn't automatically imply that the social role of 'man' (male privilege) is imposed onto trans women, either. The bourgeoisie is mostly a boy's club, and in the boy's club entry requirements are very strict. You start 'acting like a girl' and you lose the man card really fast. The men's club is ordered by a paranoic distancing from femininity.
In the gay men's spaces, it's always masculine cis men who are on top. In the lessbian spaces, it's feminine women who are. Not butches and not trans men.
Both gay and lesbian spaces have always had both trans men and trans women.
Heterosexuals in this era of our planet, have long forgotten that such a thing could even be possible, and they go convincing everyone else that there is some problem.
Sometimes trans men feel repulsed by femininity, but not out of malice, only because of unresolved feelings of their manhood being suppressed, which is a real material thing that happens, unlike for cis men whose manhood is not suppressed. Both trans men and cis men have their masculinity policed though.
But real massculinity is not about this paranoic distancing from the feminine.
Q: what is masuclinity and what is feminity?
A: Well it's like there are certain principles in the logic of the universe. It goes back to the very logic of dialectics itself. They are the two opposing forces. Light and dark, hot and cold. We find this dialectic within humans too. We find this within gender. So that is what the masculine and feminine are. And that is the origin of all of the diversity.
Because gender is not just two static opposites, but very complex. Very diverse. It's kind of like how biologists say that sex as a bimodal distribution. Well that's the physical aspect. But there's more to human consciousness than just the raw physical aspect. Gender is the nonphysical. Or maybe it is physical but it is not something we can necessarily see. But we know it interacts with the physical. And we know that it is not determined by the physical sex characteristics. By nonphysical I don't mean separate from or outside the universe, nor do I mean non-material.
The way that straight women masculinize or generally misgender lesbians is a form of oppression, too, punching down.
I think that people who don't operate within the masculine and feminine duality or dialectic, those are people who are the opposite force of the dialectic of masculinity and femininity. Everything has its opposite. Gay people are the opposite of straight people. Having a gender is also the opposite of not having a gender. So these opposites account for all the genders. Beyond masculinity and femininity is the foil of masculinity and femininity.
Without contradiction nothing would exist.
Q: so all of these genders become a web of contradictions that effect one another
A: Within the individual yes
And then what the individual results in feeling and identifying (if they are self aware) is the gender that they are.
Any culture can build up a dialectical version of itself, even if it expresses the most irreconcilable static dualism. Because the most irreconcilable static dualism that exists in a particular world culture is lot of gender. And in the face of that, trans people are adding relationality and cyclical understanding and non-duality and eventually dialectics to the understanding of gender. The same thing can happen with any aspect of human thought.