Library:Parody of Woke CIA Recruitment Ad

The following is the transcript from a parody of a CIA recruitment advertisement video which aired in 2021 and was widely ridiculed online for painting the CIA in a positive light while also embracing identity politics.

The parody been included on ProleWiki because it has many valuable facts embedded within its humorous ironic narration.

The parody was uploaded by Moderate Rebels and voiced by Anya Parampil.

Transcript

When I was 17, I quoted Gloria Steinem on the Congress for Cultural Freedom in my college admissions essay.

Gloria helped the CIA infiltrate the US left through student organizations and cultural journals to prevent youth from supporting communism.

Her story inspired me to serve in a criminal organization that lets me belt out self-indulgent spoken word in the language of Salvadorian nuns raped by its contra proxies.

I am a latinx managerial class millennial with narcissistic personality disorder who works with sociopathic white supremacists that absorbed the third reich's intelligence services after world war II and who today funnels weapons to siege heiling nazis in Ukraine.

I am an intersectional imperialist who pulls a "lived experience" card on white socialists who defend revolutionary governments in the global south and if you don't like that, you are guilty of literal violence.

I infiltrated a fringe socialist political party, generated manipulative identity-based dramas, while issuing open letters smearing anti-imperialists as "tankie genocide deniers"

I successfully divided the Palestine solidarity movement by weaponizing the Syrian white helmets and Uyghurs.

I can change a diaper in one hand and hold a sign that says "neither Beijing nor Washington" in the other.

I funneled money from a billionaire hedge funder's foundation into a slickly designed pseudo-leftist journal that slobbers over AOC, slams Evo Morales as an "extractivisit" while sneering at actually existing socialist projects.

I am a diversity token for a diabolical institution that kidnapped and brutally tortured thousands, including Khalid El-Masri, a completely innocent man, then hunted and jailed Julian Assange, the dissident journalist who exposed his torture.

This agency attacked North Korea and China with anthrax and if you think that's evil, you are not respecting my agency.

See the nice old couple in this picture? I lured them into a van, suffocated them, and dumped them vat of acid because they accidentally witnessed CIA narco operations.

I am proud to stand here as woke window dressing for the for the unaccountable security state at the heart of the most viscious empire in human history.